I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
