How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
