Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
