I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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