what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
