I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you inspire me to be a worse person
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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