I wish I only lived at night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
