the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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