i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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