I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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