i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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