This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
