What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize