Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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