ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
