wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
