I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
