Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
