And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
