you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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