I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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