i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
