Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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