I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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