hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
