Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
