he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
