do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
