i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize