I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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