She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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