Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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