I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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