I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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