the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
