I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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