I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
