My liver just broke up with me...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
