An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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