Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
