The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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