I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
