I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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