I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
