Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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