There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize