You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
