Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My pussy is not your playground.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
