did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
