ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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