And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
