You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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