I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
