she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
