I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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