ugly people sure do ruin things
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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