You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
