I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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