You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
