No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
