drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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