she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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