My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
