I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
