I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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