I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
