i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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